Sefless
by madeleine68
Summary: Slight AU fic. Olivia is married to Trevor Langan, but not all is what it seems. Can Elliot help her before it's too late? Dani Beck makes an appearance in some of the later chapters. CHAPTER 10 IS UP! Review for more.
1. Chapter 1

Detective Olivia Benson walked into the sixteenth precinct carrying two cups of coffee. She brushed a strand of limp brown hair behind her ear.

She was a mess. Her face was pale, her eyes bloodshot, and the foundation she'd hastily applied to her face that morning didn't do much to conceal the dark purple bruise on her right cheek.

Her partner, Detective Elliot Stabler, looked up as she entered the room. "Hey, Liv," he said gently. He could tell there was something wrong. She'd been acting oddly these past few months – ever since she'd started going out with Trevor Langan, actually. There was something different about her, something more than the fact that she insisted on leaving right after her shift was over rather than joining the rest of the squad for a drink, claiming she had plans with Trevor. "Liv, you okay?"

She shrugged and neatly evaded the question. "Brought you coffee," she said instead.

"You look like hell," he told her, not wanting to drop the subject.

Olivia gave him a wry grin, but it didn't meet her eyes. "Always the charmer." She set a cup of coffee down on his desk and took a swig of her own.

Elliot watched her carefully as she made her way to her desk and sat down. It was slight, but he couldn't help but notice her wince as she leaned back in her chair.

"Stop staring at me!" Olivia snapped, burying her head in a stack of papers as thick as the Bible, maybe thicker.

But he didn't. He couldn't take his eyes off Olivia, his best friend in the world. She'd always been there for him when he needed her; why couldn't he do the same?

He took in her turtleneck sweater, the fading bruises on her wrists, the cut on her chin. He knew he had to help her before it was too late.

* * *

Olivia went home early that day, telling Elliot to cover for her. Before she met Trevor, Olivia had never taken time off, even when she should have. Even when her mother died, Olivia didn't miss one day of work.

Elliot was worried.

His shift ended at eight and it occurred to him that he should go check on Olivia. If she wouldn't talk to him at work, he'd just have to keep trying.

He drove out to the apartment Olivia shared with Trevor on the Upper East Side; she'd sold hers when she'd moved in with her boyfriend.

Elliot took the elevator to Olivia's apartment. He reached the door and knocked, but nobody answered.

He pressed his ear to the door, wondering if she was even home. After all, she might have really had plans and Elliot was just overreacting.

Suddenly he heard a whimper and the thumping sound of a fist striking tender flesh. Immediately cop mode set in. "Liv," he called. "It's me. Are you okay?"

He heard a rough voice growl, "You bitch!" Then a sharp scream pierced the air.

That was all Elliot needed to hear. He stepped back and rammed into the door as hard as he could. It came crashing down. He drew his gun and headed in the direction of the cries.


	2. Chapter 2

Elliot found Olivia cowering on the floor with her head in her hands to protect it from further blows. A bruise was forming on her neck and her left eye was starting to blacken. She was sobbing as Trevor kicked her. She looked up when she saw Elliot, then ducked her head back down in shame. He knew her dignity was so important to her and he knew how hard it was for her to let him see her like this, but he would have thought she'd be tin too much pain to care.

Trevor's foot extended and Olivia braced herself for another blow. The powerless, defeated look in her eye was too much for Elliot. "Police!" he screamed, tackling Trevor and knocking him off his feet. He pinned the lawyer to the ground and began throwing punches, "You son of a bitch," he hissed through gritted teeth.

Olivia, still weeping softly, her frail body trembling in terror, her face white as a sheet, got to her feet and started to wipe away her tears. "Elliot!" she shrieked, "Don't!"

Elliot hit Trevor one last time for good measure, then hauled him to his feet and slammed him into the wall. Slapping handcuffs on his wrists, Elliot shouted, "Trevor Langan, you are under arrest for aggravated assault on a police officer!" He marched Trevor out the door while reading him his rights.

* * *

Elliot locked Trevor up in an interrogation room, leaving John and Fin to keep an eye on him while he went to check on Olivia.

He found her sobbing on her kitchen floor, clutching her knees to her chest, her head resting on her knees as she wept.

Elliot walked toward her slowly so as not to startle her. "Liv," he said softly. "What did he do to you?"

She began to rock back and forth and cried harder.

Elliot took a moment to compose himself. He had never seen his best friend like this before. Tough-as-nails Olivia had been destroyed, leaving a broken, weeping woman in the wake of its destruction. Elliot wanted to murder the bastard.

He crouched down next to Olivia and took her small, cold hand in his. "Liv," he whispered. "Talk to me."

She looked up, displaying a bruised, battered face, but she didn't pull away. "He loves me," she whispered, but the words sounded hollow.

"No, Liv," said Elliot gently. "He doesn't. He wants to control you. There's a difference."

She shook her head. "You shouldn't have come."

"Liv, he might have killed you!"

She leaned back and closed her eyes, mumbling something unintelligible. It sounded to Elliot like, "He should of."

"No, no," cried Elliot, squeezing Olivia's hand. His heart was breaking into a million tiny shards. "Never, _ever_ think that."

"El," whispered Olivia. "He's going to kill _you_. He said – he said if I ever told you, he'd shoot you and he'd make you watch."

Elliot clenched his fists as Olivia burst into a fresh round of sobbing. "I can take care of myself," he assured her. "I'll be fine. Now, I need to take your statement and then we need to get you to a hospital."

The fight drained from Olivia's face. She went limp and murmured, "I – I can't."

"Liv," said Elliot gently, taking it one step at a time so as not to overwhelm him. "I need you to tell me what happened."

She took a deep breath and told him everything. "At first, it was good. He called me his princess and treated me like one. But after we moved in together, he – he sometimes – he hit me. If I didn't have dinner ready on time or – or if I came home ten minutes late or if I didn't . . . give myself to him. Every night."

She outlined the beatings in a dull monotone, clearly dissociating, and Elliot found himself struggling not to cry for the pain Olivia had endured.

When she was done talking, he took her to the hospital, promising he'd return to check on her later.

"Be careful," she whispered as he left.

The helplessness in her eyes just about killed him. "I will," he promised.

He crept out into the dark night and drove back to the sixteenth precinct. He entered the interrogation room to find Trevor sitting with his hands clasped, casual and prim, on the table.

Elliot wanted to kill him.

Instead he pulled out a chair. Holding back his anger, he sat down next to Trevor. He found he had only one question for this pathetic excuse of a man. "_Why_?"

Trevor shrugged. "The bitch deserved it."

Elliot couldn't contain himself any longer. He reached out to grasp the bastard's throat and slammed his head into the table as hard as he could. "You – don't – call – Olivia – a – _bitch_!" he growled, hitting Trevor over and over.

The door flew open and Captain Cragen pulled Elliot off Trevor. "Take a walk," he ordered. As Elliot started to protest, he added, "_Now_."

As Elliot, fists clenched, started to storm out, he could make out Trevor's throaty hiss. "You better watch yourself, Elliot Stabler. You just better."


	3. Chapter 3

Three weeks later, they were at the courthouse for Trevor's trial. Alex was sure she would be able to secure a conviction – there was hard evidence that Trevor had been abusing her. Alex had gone over Olivia's testimony enough with her that she was sure everything would go just fine.

"The State calls Olivia Benson," said Alex.

The whole courtroom seemed to hold its breath and Olivia trudged to the witness stand. Her broken left arm had healed; so had her rib fractures and bruised face. But the injuries on the inside were numerous and no one knew if she would ever recover.

Olivia trembled as she sat down. She clasped her shaking hands together and focused on a spot on the wall, trying not to look at Trevor. She'd been here many times before, to testify against the rapists and murderers she prosecuted, but never before had she been the victim. She'd been here before but not like this. Never like this.

She was sworn in but, much as she tried to avoid it, all she could see was Trevor, watching her, glaring at her with a terrible, evil gleam in his eye.

She tried to shake off her fear. She wouldn't be scared anymore. That was what he wanted.

Alex purposefully stepped in front of Olivia, blocking her view of Trevor as she walked Olivia through the events of that horrible night and all the abuse she'd endured. It was killing Alex to put her friend through this, but it was the only way.

When defense attorney Roger Kressler stood up to cross-examine Olivia, she started to visibly quaver once again.

"Olivia," said Kressler in a smooth voice that made her cringe. "When was the first time you and the defendant had sexual relations?"

"Two months ago," she whispered.

"Was it consensual?"

"Yes."

"Did you have sex with him often after that?"

"Every night," she responded, wiping a hand across her eyes.

"When did it become . . . non-consensual?"

"About a month ago," she answered quietly.

"What changed?"

"I – I wanted to break up with him. He was hitting me sometimes and I didn't like it. I wanted out. He got angry and . . . forced himself . . . on me."

Kressler scratched his head. "Are you sure he wasn't just . . . overcome with passion?"

Olivia smirked. "I'm sure."

The lawyer raised his eyebrows. "Nothing further."

Olivia could feel Trevor glaring at her as she stepped down from the witness stand. But she'd done it. She had been brave and faced her fear. She was back to being tough Olivia Benson, the strongest of them all.

* * *

Elliot met Olivia outside the courtroom. "You did really well," he told her.

"I'm not one of your victims, El," snapped Olivia.

He shrugged. "Okay. What do you say we go out to dinner tonight?"

She gave him a small smile. "Okay."

But he saw something flash across her face and it worried him. "Liv, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," she replied quickly – _too _quickly. He knew her too well.

"What is it?"

"Just – just be careful, okay?"

Olivia took a deep breath. "Trevor said – he said he'd kill you," she whispered. "And that's why I never told."

"That asshole," muttered Elliot, clenching his fists. "It's okay, Liv. He can't hurt you now. He can't hurt anyone now. You made sure of that."

Olivia's eyes suddenly widened and stared at her in confusion. "Liv, you okay?"

She didn't say anything. All of a sudden, she threw her arms around him and the force of her embrace spun Elliot around as she murmured, "I love you," and pressed her lips to his.

Elliot was shocked. What was she _doing_? They _never_ touched each other, except for that inevitable, accidental brushing of hands or shoulders. But even though he didn't understand it, maybe Olivia needed him – needed _this _– now.

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her back, pulling her close as she leaned into his chest. Her felt her shoulders tense and then –

BANG!


	4. Chapter 4

Olivia crumpled to the ground, blood seeping from the back of her head. Elliot stood open-mouthed in shock as his friend's blood soaked the floor. "She's been shot!" shouted a distant voice that he recognized as his own.

He knelt down and tried to staunch the blood flow, but it was futile. He couldn't find her pulse and as the crowd swarmed him, he cradled his best friend in his arms and tried in vain to help her.

Finally, though, he realized that there was nothing he could do. She was gone.


	5. Chapter 5

Alex raced over to him. "Elliot," she whispered. "Are you okay?"

He stood angrily, babbling, still holding Olivia in his arms. "I'm fine! Olivia was shot! Do something!"

The medics arrived at the scene and loaded Olivia – Olivia's _body _– onto a stretcher. Elliot clung to her hand. "I – I want to –" he began, but an EMT cut him off.

"She's gone."

Elliot felt faint as he watched them take his friend away. He felt numb and held his hand to the wall to steady himself as the world spun.

He felt Alex's cool hand on his shoulder and turned to face her. To his surprise, he saw the Ice Princess struggling to hold in her own tears. "Elliot," she murmured. "It was Trevor."

He nodded. He had expected this, almost.

Elliot turned away. Feeling anger bubbling inside him, he extended his fist and punched the wall as hard as he could. He hit it once, then again, and again, and again.

Alex grabbed his wrist and pulled him away. "Elliot, he tried to shoot _you_."

Elliot's head snapped up and he yanked his arm away from Alex. "_What_?"

Alex's clear blue eyes watered. "Trevor had his gun pointed at you, Elliot. It all happened so fast! I tried to warn you, but I couldn't – you didn't hear me. She turned you around so the bullet would hit her instead!" Alex took a shaky breath in a futile attempt to calm herself. "She _wanted _to die."

"No," said Elliot hollowly. "She wanted to save me. She thought –" He couldn't go on. He buried his face in his hands and rubbed his eyes.

Alex shook her head. Her hands shook and the cool, collected ADA finally broke down. "She – she was always – always trying – _trying _to be so brave. So fucking brave! She wanted to be a hero! Well, now she got her wish. She got her fucking wish! Just look – look – you always wanted to save people but at what cost? Oh, Liv!" She fell to her knees and buried her head in her hands.

Elliot didn't know how to comfort her when his own heart was breaking.


	6. Chapter 6

The funeral was a quiet affair. The detectives from SVU attended; so did Alex, Liz Donnelly, and several of Olivia's other colleagues. But that was all she had.

When everyone else left, Elliot sat by her gravestone. He traced the inscription with his fingers for the hundredth time. _In memory of Olivia Benson, a great friend, a sister in blue, and a true hero. She will be greatly missed, but she will live on in all of our hearts._

He set a single red rose down next to her headstone. He had never had the chance to tell her how much he loved her. Now he never would.

He folded his hands and knelt down. He could almost feel her presence in the air and it brought tears to his eyes. "Liv," he whispered. "Are you there?"

He could have sworn he felt a gentle breeze ruffle his clothes.


	7. Chapter 7

This was Olivia #7. Elliot didn't know her real name, nor did he want to. He had christened each of them Olivia, because they reminded him of her.

"Ooh, baby," moaned Olivia #7. "That feels _good_."

He suddenly felt nauseous. The real Olivia would never say that. Well, actually, she _might_; he wouldn't know. He'd never fucked her. That was all it was, not "making love", but _fucking_. To ease the memories.

To ease the pain.

He shoved Olivia #7 off him and tossed a hundred dollar bill in her direction. "Just go!" he screamed, practically throwing the brown-haired prostitute back out into the cold, dark night.

He sank into a chair, buried his head in his hands, and cried and cried.


	8. Chapter 8

"Elliot," said Captain Cragen the next morning as Elliot entered the sixteenth precinct, a large cup of coffee in his hand. "My office."

Elliot sighed. Great, this was just what he needed right now. He set his coffee on his desk and followed the captain into his office.

Captain Cragen motioned for Elliot to close the door. "Have a seat."

Elliot sat down across from the captain and didn't say anything.

"Elliot," said Captain Cragen gently. "How are you holding up?"

He shrugged. "Fine, I guess. I miss her, but so does everyone."

The captain nodded. "I know this is hard for you, Elliot. If you need a few days off –"

"No," said Elliot. "I think I – I just need to work." He didn't know how to explain it, but he felt closer to Olivia when he was here.

Captain Cragen sighed. "Fine. Oh, and about your new partner, Elliot –"

"What about that?" he snapped. "No one will ever replace Liv."

"I know, but you need a new partner and I can't work with you on every case."

"Who is it?"

"Well, that's the thing, and I need you to be professional about this, Elliot. Whether or not you like her, whether or not she'll ever replace Olivia, and I think she knows better than to try, is irrelevant. Dani's back."


	9. Chapter 9

Detective Dani Beck strode into the precinct. Everyone looked up as she took her seat at Olivia's desk. It was empty, and it technically wasn't hers anymore, but Elliot couldn't think of it any other way. "Hey, Stabler," she said. "Miss me?"

He didn't say anything. He _had _missed her, but she wasn't Olivia, and she never would be. "Hey, Dani," he managed.

She took her coat off and hung it on the back of the desk chair. "So, what case are we working on?"

The emphasis she placed on _we _bothered Elliot for some reason. He sighed and handed Dani a file folder. "Open rape. Sixteen-year-old girl, says it was her stepfather, stepfather says she's lying. Says she was making it up because she was sleeping with her boyfriend and didn't want to get into trouble. No evidence of a rape even occurring. Broken hymen, vaginal tearing, but no semen. Typical he said, she said."

Dani leafed through the folder. "Right. Well, did you interview the boyfriend?"

Elliot resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He did have _some _experience in this field – more than Dani did, anyway. "Yes. He says they never had sex, but here's the thing. He's eighteen. So he might be saying it to protect himself from a stat rape charge."

Dani shrugged. "Okay. How about I go talk to him? Maybe I can get something out of him."

Elliot smirked. "Go ahead."

That was Dani, overzealous as ever.


	10. Chapter 10

Elliot drove down to the cemetery after work. He placed a red rose on Olivia's grave and put his head in his hands. "Liv," he whispered. "You know what? Dani came back. She's not a bad detective, but she's not _you_. I don't think I can do this, Liv. I need you back."

"Elliot?"

He jumped and turned around. "Whoa, Dani. You scared the shit out of me."

"The captain said I'd find you here," she said, playing with her braid.

"Yeah."

"So, um, I talked to Jack Stevens – you know, the boyfriend?"

"Uh-huh."

"I think he might be telling the truth."

"Uh-huh."

She peered even closer at him. "Aren't you going to ask me why?"

"What?"

Dani snapped her fingers in front of his face. "Get with the program, Stabler!"

He jumped. "Get off my case."

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Yeah, yeah. Why?"

"He told me that Jenna had told him about the stepfather's abuse."

"Yeah, so?"

"She also said something that led him to believe that her little sister was being abused."

Elliot narrowed his eyes. "Wait a sec. I didn't even know Jenna _had_ a little sister."

Dani looked proud of herself. "That's why you need a partner."

"I _had _a partner," Elliot snapped.

"You _have _a partner," Dani corrected. "You know, I don't give a damn whether you love me or hate me. We have a job to do. Let's get to it."

He sighed. "Fine. Let's go talk to her."

"Already did. It took a couple hours, but she finally admitted the abuse."

"She admitted it?" he asked skeptically.

"Yes, she did," snapped Dani defensively. "What, you think I bully four-year-olds into making this stuff up? Jenna told her boyfriend about her stepfather and told him that the stepfather said she was getting too old for him and she was worried that he'd hurt her sister."

Elliot raised his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay. Good job."

That stopped her in her tracks. "Elliot Stabler, did I hear you correctly?"

"What?"

"Did you just say 'good job'?"

He rolled his eyes, not in the mood for her banter. It had been years and he wasn't ready to fall back into that old pattern. "Leave me alone, Dani. Just – did you arrest the guy?"

"Yeah. He's at the station. I thought you'd want to help me do the honors."

Elliot nodded, slightly surprised at the courtesy. "Yeah. I'll meet you at the station in ten minutes, okay?"

Dani left and Elliot turned back to Olivia's grave. He traced his hands over the familiar words on the stone. "I miss you, Liv," he whispered, before getting up, going to his car, and driving back to the station.


End file.
